Summertime, and the livin’ isn’t easy… Yet, amid our patchwork pandemic there’s now well-ventilated places to go and and people to see! Whether you’re re-entering this brave new world or fazed by the phases of states reopening and still hanging at home, here’s the latest buzz on the “must-try” spots.
Beach 5 ★★★★★
Oozing with SPF 50 and “all the nostalgia” of brighter days, this oceanfront oasis with “full sand access” is a “welcome addition” to permitted places as tan lines are taken “to new heights” thanks to the BYOM (Bring Your Own Mask) policy not always followed in a “crowd that bustles with beautiful people”; just watch out for the sharks and “chummy locals” whose “delicate mastery” of the side-eye towards out-of-towners may make even the most “sun-starved” want to cower under their striped umbrellas, but some say it’s all “part of the ambiance” and the “beyond fabulous water views” make the shame spiral “totally worth it.”
Craft Brewery 4.7 ★★★★
“You can’t beat” the “table service only” at this “hipsters’ haven-turned-wallflowers’ heaven” where just barley, hops and yeast are allowed to mingle, while patrons must resort to “great people and puppy watching” from their picnic-table islands, hoping the “ginger-forward” light-brewed ale with hibiscus and lemongrass settles their stomachs after “locally sourcing” way too many spicy tacos from the nearby “fun and funky” food truck; and of course everyone’s saying “hats off to” the American wheat with raspberries and notes of chamomile that “calms pandemic-era nerves” and induces an “out of this world” afternoon nap.
Backyard 4.8 ★★★★
“Casual but more intimate“ than its sibling retreat, the porch, this grassy sanctuary “brings Sag Harbor to the suburbs” thanks to the team behind its “innovative yet approachable” design featuring “outrageously fun” decor like a shingled treehouse cottage that has “all the charm of an Airbnb rental” minus the service and cleaning fees, along with an “equally amazing” 15-foot-wide inflatable pool, somewhat deep enough to reenact the underwater scene from “The Graduate” as to not hear the “wildly successful” splashing of the Joneses next door, “famed for their talented children” doing cannonballs off the diving board into their “far superior” in-ground installation.
Peloton Bike 4.4 ★★★★
“Like cycling through the Loire Valley in the living room,” you can always get a seat at this in-home “magnet for the spandex set” who were “willing to splurge” for a “modern spin” on a 1980’s finished-basement staple; while Christmas-commercial naysayers are getting “their just desserts”, fans of this “trendy” stationary bike are saying “all hail to the multitasking mom” who can now hold down the chateau since summer camp is canceled, while still getting in 20 miles each morning to burn off evening pours “from French vineyards” thanks to this pedal-pushing “pièce de résistance” that “never fails to impress.”
Farmers’ Market (Curbside Pickup) 4.8 ★★★★
It was “worth the wait” to finally hear those three little words — farm to table — at this “sidewalk paradise” that provides the “bagged-and-jarred ambiance” of a Saturday morning stroll past tents of “heirloom tomatoes” and “area-sourced honey” without having to leave the “comfort of your car”; yet watch out for “unique offerings” like the “family-style” cocktail kit that may make date-night “on-point picnic conversations” turn sour like “a bounty of overripe cherries” when boutique spirits help address if an “ambiguous” quarantine cohabitation that lacks the “wow factor” is really “sustainable” post lockdown; after all there’s still plenty of fish in the sea to pair with those “gigantic seasonal zucchinis” in your fridge.
Front Stoop 3.7 ★★★
“Everyone finally knows your name” at this “local favorite” even though you’ve lived in the same apartment for years and sat here “every Saturday night” waiting for an Uber “before it became popular”, yet thanks to your massive “not-to-be-missed” daily pile of Amazon packages that “delivers the goods” but is making the building’s entryway “always crowded” everyone’s facial recognition is suddenly as “spot on” as Microsoft’s technology; some say the regulars could “lose the attitude” and just enjoy some neighborly small talk and the “beats in the background” as cars roll by, yet you’ll “keep coming back” because this place is “perfect during the summer” for just chilling and it “makes your feel right at home.”
Restaurant Patio 4.9 ★★★★
“There’s nothing stuffy” about this “breezy alfresco scene” where masked guests en route to “reservation-only” tables add “a touch of mystery” to the “cocktail-clinking crews” who are “spaced too far apart to eavesdrop” yet “over the moon” to order from the “well-edited” touchless menus on their cellphones and spritz friends with “scented sanitizer du jour” before diving into “chef-driven” fare that “dazzles the palette” because really anything “tastes gourmet” after three months of “experimental” dinner creations and whittling away the days with “cool, Brooklyn-like” pastimes like making mason-jar kombucha and sourdough bread.
REI 4.3 ★★★★★
Shopping is now “a religious experience” as “devotees” flock to this “mecca of outdoor goods” and “sing their praises” to the “well-executed” online-order pickup service that even features “nautical touches” like neon ocean kayaks and snorkeling masks among its “phenomenal” selection of mountain-ready gear to add to “over the top” garage shines of backcountry skis and bikes; there’s really “something for everyone,” and now that a “thoughtfully prepared” phased reopening of recreational “hot spots” from Aspen to Arcadia is underway, both alpine adorers and coastal congregants are “happy to whip out their wallets” and say “hallelujah” to a little weekend worship of sun and fresh air.
Hair Salon 4.7 ★★★★
After its “much anticipated” reopening at 50 percent capacity, this “mirrored bastion of beauty” is “buzzing” with everyone from “distressed blondes-gone-brunette” to “prematurely greying homeschool teachers” who note that the new plexiglass dividers between chairs “are a bit sterile” yet the scene is “still very flashy” thanks to the heads full of silver foils during the “transformative experience” of processing (roots not emotions); however be prepared for “long conversations” since sharable glossy magazines are “totally passé,” and book appointments “before they’re snatched up” say those “in-the-know” because its best to always be ready for a “rather striking” Zoom close-up.
Don’t see your favorite spot in this ultra-mini-universal-database? That’s a shame. Our team of one only operates during very select summer hours.
